Dysfunctional Behavior

 All of us at one point in our life have experienced some form of depression that led to us laying in bed, unwashed, hair unbrushed, in clothes three days short of growing legs and walking out like a bad ex. But what is the difference between a few days of a bad mood and in being dysfunctional? 

Well one is based off mood, which can lead to behavior of dysfunction, but persistent dysfunctional behavior is broader in scope, in which it impairs functions of everyday life - even leading to the inability to making decisions. Unfortunately, I have seen this first hand in several people of my life, namely a friend and my mother. Loving them both dearly, it became evident to me that both were dysfunctional by observing their inability to make decisions and apparent inability to learn anything without being given specific direction. Not only this, but observing how despite my efforts to help them improve their life with organization and even scheduling, over and over, it wouldn't last and everything would fall apart. 

Now I do realize I am no therapist, but I'm keenly observant in seeing this as a habit, a pattern of dysfunction. I have also seen the other side of the coin, having clawed my way out of dysfunction over the years. Three things I've learned from experience and obviously observation is:

1.) Setting Boundaries - You are what you allow in. If you tolerate people, places, food, ect. to invade your life and drain you of mental clarity it's time to cut the proverbial cord. 

2.) Prioritize Self - This means that No becomes a complete sentence and you start looking to find things that better you. Set up a skin care routine, vent into a journal, do things that make you happy. Now this doesn't mean you become a selfish witch that no one can stand, but it means you don't give your everything to everyone else and leave a husk of dried human ash for yourself.

3.) Manage Triggers - Yes, triggers. There are things that trigger behavior, including dysfunction. Start to notice if a person, a place, or even a thing sets up back into a path of rocky road and Netflix binges and step away. We all have triggers, for example: I LOVE wings. My absolute soul-food, and I realized it wasn't just hurting my weight, but also my bank account, thus leading to self hatred and so the vicious cycle would begin again. Worst part is that my favorite wing joint is right next to my gym. So how did I manage my trigger? I went to the gym before the wing joint opens, and I take a different route home from work so I don't pass by it. 

These three things completely reversed my dysfunction, but you have to figure what works best for you. In fact, sometimes you may need an outside source, either a friend, or a therapist that doesn't mince words. 

Procrastination

What exactly is procrastination? It is the act of intentionally postponing or delaying tasks or decisions. We have probably all heard the Nike saying, 'Just do it.' But in reality we all roll our eyes and go back to sitting on the couch watching that TV show, or doom scrolling on our phones. But deep down in our mind that dreaded thought comes, 'I really need to do this...' or you know of that dread deadline that's inching closer and closer. Example, bills coming due, work deadlines, school deadlines, laundry needing to be folded, going to the grocery store, talking to the boss about a raise, taxes being due in April.

But why do we procrastinate? It almost seems counter productive to put ourselves under the stress of not getting it done sooner rather than later. But here are things I've learned that can cause it. For one is knowing it is a task that will make us uncomfortable, maybe we are overwhelmed by the task at hand, we lack the motivation, or we are afraid of failure. For me, its the fact that I want to be perfect at the job. However, I've learned that I use perfection as an excuse not to do something. So I've learned to do things 'good enough'. It means I complete a task, and though it might not be absolutely perfect to a standard I personally set, as long as it is done and done right, with less errors than most, I can accept it.

So how do we get out of the procrastination rut? There are several ways I've learned about that have helped me immensely. 

1.) Break down large tasks into smaller more manageable projects. Example: Instead of cleaning/organizing your whole house, start with one room, maybe even one corner of that room. 

2.) Set clear and realistic goals. Example: Today I'll brush my teeth as soon as I get out of bed. 

3.) Identify what triggers your procrastination. Example: You have an important email you need to read, instead you scroll Instagram. (Reading work email = boring, Instagram = fun)

4.) Reward yourself for completing tasks. Example: My morning coffee after I come back from the gym. 

While everyone is different, these are common ways to get out of the rut of procrastination. It takes time to implement these tools, but they are worth their weight in gold. 

A Few Years and the systems that saved me

 So a few years have passed and a lot has changed. To start I've lost 60 pounds with another 15 to go. There are still a lot of things I hope to change in the coming year. Some things I'd like to relate is that motivation won't always get you were you need to go. It's like the gun shot that goes off at the beginning of the race, and the race is life. What does that gun shot get you? Only a mark and a bit of adrenaline at the beginning of your race. What keeps you going through the race? Discipline, and what came before it. You may ask what comes before a race? Training, preparations such as the right shoes, eating right, getting enough rest. So too does our habits. There is a saying that I've implemented and continue to implement every day. 

"You do not rise to your goals, you fall to your systems." 

If you do not set up systems that work for you, you will never reach your goals. So that is what I've done. I've set up systems that became my habits, in turn those habits lead to my goals. So what are my goals this year, to read more, to study something - such as a new language, and to lose those 15 lbs. What systems have a set up to get there? I've set up time blocking, so that every morning I spend an hour at the gym, I meal prep, so I'm less likely to eat out or eat junk. For learning a language, I set aside 15 minutes to learning it and same for reading more. I usually do these just before bed, to help relax my mind and give my mind something to work on while I sleep. 

So the advice I give to all who may read this one day, figure out the systems that will improve your life...even if only 1% and continue to move forward. 

Habits

What are habits? Good? Bad? Whenever I think of a habit I think in the negative, watching too much TV, being too addicted to my device, and eating terrible food from drive thru's that they inevitably always get wrong. But the more I read about habits I have become more interested in the motivation behind them. It is defined as a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously.

How can I change bad habits that happen on a subconscious level? It seems impossible at first, like getting up early, being mindful of my eating habits, listening to my body when it says I'm full, exercising regularly, learning something new, or reading more.

In my recent reading (or my case listening) I came across a book called 'The Power of Habit' and learned that habits are the core of our everyday life. From the moment we wake up - be it 5 am or 12pm, drink coffee or not - they are perpetual acts that we ritualize.

One of my favorite quotes from the book is, 'The difference between who you are and who you want to be is defined by want you do.'

That one sentence to me is profound. I have slide on to habits that are terrible, sleeping in till I'm literally dressing myself and pulling my hair into a sloppy ponytail before heading to work and inevitably being 10 or 15 minutes late. That defines me as a person, eating terribly to the point the pounds have crept on at an astonishing rate, and staying up till late into the night and wondering why I'm so tired the next day.

However what do I want to be? I want to be a person who is defined as productive, early to work, well dressed, put together, and an early riser, as well as someone who goes to sleep at a reasonable hour.

But how do I get to that point? What must I do to build good habits, ones I want to last that will benefit my health? Consistent effort, and according to the book, rewarding outcomes to my subconscious. Like my mom's way of potty training me, (yes, I'm going there for an illustration) for a week she said that she sat me on the toilet, if I went I got a piece of candy. So what happened? Two weeks after she started I was potty trained.

So one new habit here I come:

5 am wake up call, and a glass of water. My reward? A cup of joe...

So since this will be like a personal journal, I will be tracking my weight and other stats on each post so I can see my progress.

Stats to track my progress:

Starting weight: 226 lbs
Measurements coming tomorrow... (Sorry guys I ain't no 32-28-30...obviously... -_-)
Dress size: 14-16 in women's

Resolve

Resolve is a word I have always read but never come to a full understanding of. As a passionate person I become hyped by new eyes and ways of thinking. However, being this personality means I love motivation and once the interest past the motivation fades and I no longer have a WANT to do those things. Case-in-piont, bought a violin to learn to play, it's now sitting in the corner of my media room gathering dust. A beautiful handcrafted, wooden ornimate. Or buying workout clothes, determined to go to the gym. They still have the tags on them.

Now, months after starting this blog  about personal health, eating better, feeling fulfilled I am at the same weight and same predicament as previously. So my word, my life word must become RESOLVE.

The dictionary defines it as to decide firmly on a course of action. A consistent change. For me, I tend to slip into complacency and old habits, something that I seem most do. So I have goals with incentives, a plan you could say.

My goals:

Weight loss through healthy eating
Be more productive.
Learn an instrument.
Learn a language.
Less screen time.
Read more.
Travel.

Each goal has its own hurdles. But seeing my husband starting to transform his body and mind makes me wish to do the same. So here I am, day one, let's start fresh and see where it takes me. My focus is a happier, healthier, maybe leaner me who has learned a skill that is fulfilling.

The Great Tempter

No, I'm not talking about Satan, but my husband: which in hindsight could be the same... I kid people.

My husband is an amazing man, an athlete in everything he does and also on his own journey to a 'ripped' body. However for him, his food lifestyle is world's from my own. He loves his soda, his junk food, and his burgers. As he so eloquently puts it, he needs to bulk up. So it makes it difficult for me because I do enjoy those kinds of food as well. Burgers. Fries. Pizza. The list goes on, but it's not my list.

My Vegan lifestyle doesn't allow me to eat those things. I shouldn't say allowed, I don't want to eat those things, not that I can't, but I won't. So he constantly kids me about eating what I'm eating. Tempting me with the things that I want to eat and saying they're good for me. Like I said he might be Darth Vader and the dark side of the force where it comes to food.

However I know that by changing my lifestyle, it is also changing his lifestyle. I just have to be brave and struggle knowing that he's going to get me through it all. I'm already seeing the effects of me not listening to him, he stopped drinking sodas. He is eating salads. and trying hard to stay away from things that are not good for him, such as sugar.

So all said and done, I am the Great Tempter. Hear me roar!

Vegan

Positive, Negative.

There is a huge debate on whether it is good or bad for a person. For me personally I know it's good. This past year I went full on vegan and have lost forty pounds. However about a month ago I slide back into bad eating habits and eating what I said I wouldn't ever again.

So once again I have kick started my vegan lifestyle, but slowly. All meat is now out of my diet and the last thing I'm working on is the heavy cream in my coffee.

I know so many things, facts about the vegan lifestyle and though I will have a monthly meat meal, the majority of my meals will be whole food, plant based. Sure people will be-moan me eating any meat at all. But I'd rather work towards it, where even those once a month meat meals slowly become less interesting and non-existent.

Just these few days into eating this plant based diet I feel more alive and refreshed! It isn't about the destination for me, but the journey.